It’s Complicated Week 3 – Ben Stuart
Overview:
In this week’s message, Pastor Ben Stuart taught how we can evaluate a good dating relationship.
Good dating relationships can be characterized by many things. A good dating relationship contains the excitement, especially concerning character. Instead of focusing on physical attraction, we should focus on whether or not the person has good character, particularly kindness. Healthy community around us will help us evaluate a person’s character. A good relationship will also result in our improvement in our lives, including our own character and skills. The other person should challenge and push us to be God’s version of us. A good relationship will also endure difficult conflict and be characterized by good, honest communication.
Pastor Stuart also reminded us of the importance of taking our time in healthy relationship building.
Healthy dating relationships are formed in community, where we are guarded against temptation and receive feedback on the healthy and unhealthy aspects of our relationships. He also reminded us that it is important for us to get our relationship with the Lord right before we get our dating relationships right.
Verses:
Song of Solomon 1:1-4
1 The song of songs, which is Solomon’s.
The [a]Shulamite
2 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—For [b]your love is better than wine. 3 Because of the fragrance of your good ointments, Your name is ointment poured forth; Therefore the virgins love you. 4 Draw me away!
Song of Solomon 2:8-16
The voice of my beloved! Behold, he comes Leaping upon the mountains, Skipping upon the hills. 9 My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Behold, he stands behind our wall;
He is looking through the windows, Gazing through the lattice. 10 My beloved spoke, and said to me: “Rise up, my love, my fair one, And come away. 11 For lo, the winter is past, The rain is over and gone. 12 The flowers appear on the earth; The time of singing has come, And the voice of the turtledove Is heard in our land. 13 The fig tree puts forth her green figs, And the vines with the tender grapes Give a good smell. Rise up, my love, my fair one, And come away!
14 “O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, In the secret places of the cliff, Let me see your [c]face,
Let me hear your voice; For your voice is sweet, And your face is lovely.”
Her Brothers
15 Catch us the foxes, The little foxes that spoil the vines, For our vines have tender grapes.
The Shulamite
16 My beloved is mine, and I am his. He feeds his flock among the lilies.
Quotes:
“One of the first things that attracted the Shulamite woman was the strong reputation of the man’s character.”
“You know you’re ready to pursue marriage with someone when you’re excited about them, but excited about the right things.”
“You should not only enjoy their company, but be improved by their company.”
“The right person at the wrong time is the wrong person.”
“The process of courtship is a deepening of trust and a deepening of vulnerability.”
“Confession is a binding thing and when you bond through confession, you will be tempted to act out physically. You need your community to help you in this. If you don’t find mercy from the person you have confessed with, then good riddance because they are not like Jesus.”
“Don’t expedite a romance that can’t go anywhere.”
“Half claim is not a claim.”
“What should attract you is the character and kindness of the person”.
“If you can’t work through conflict with clarity of communication, it is not going to work”.
“The closer you knit your hearts together emotionally, the more you’ll want to knit your bodies together physically”.
Questions:
1) When your name is spoken how do others react?
2) What is most important to you when looking for a potential date?
3) What is/was your motivation behind choosing to step into a relationship?
4) How has dating shaped who you are and how you view members of the opposite sex?
5) Is there such a thing as spiritual boundaries when it comes to a dating relationship?