The Importance of Listening
Oftentimes while having a heart-to-heart, a sinking feeling of realization settles in your chest; your confidant isn’t listening at all — they’re waiting for you to stop talking.
Frustration shoots from your toes to your chest, and in an instant, dies in your throat. Your earnest words have fallen on deaf ears and an impatient mouth. Ouch.
Listening intentionally and listening only to respond are two very different things. The latter concerns itself only with getting your own words out as quickly as possible, while the former is an attempt to thoughtfully understand and fully sympathize with the speaker. If a person feels ignored or dismissed in a relationship — romantic, platonic or familial — it will soon cause damage that may become irreversible if left unchecked.
Taking the time to carefully listen to someone — even just once — can make their day or change their life. Our journeys often include a multitude of hardships and trials that may be difficult to share with others; however, being willing to extend a listening ear can make all the difference in helping shoulder a friend’s burden. You never know who needs to feel a little less alone.
As humans we need communication; no relationship can survive without it. But it isn’t only serious conversations that require attention — it’s equally important to share in joyful ones as well.
Hebrews 10:24-25 states: “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the day drawing near.”
To show a friend you are truly invested in the dialogue at hand, it is essential to put away distracting devices and maintain eye contact. Nothing feels better than a friend remembering something you told them long ago, but miniscule diversions often impact one’s ability to retain and recall information.
Active listening is a skill that can apply to any area of life. According to Time Magazine, most people have an attention span of eight seconds due to the draining effects of excessive screen time. The attention span of a goldfish clocks in at nine seconds — feel embarrassed yet?
Harvard Business Review defines active listening as having three parts: cognitive, emotional and behavioral. The cognitive aspect covers paying attention to all information, including small details, then comprehending and internalizing it.
The emotional element includes remaining compassionate throughout the conversation instead of becoming defensive and bored. Behaviorally, understanding is conveyed through words and actions, so the other person you are interested in what they have to say.
It’s time to start treating those around us like they are worth more than a mere eight seconds of curiosity.
Imagine if God treated us the way we often treat each other.
God is the only one who will fully listen to what we have to say. He hangs on our every word, eager to hear from his children. In Psalm 66:19-20, David emphasizes how the Lord has never neglected him in a time of need:
“But truly God has listened; he has attended to the voice of my prayer. Blessed be God, because he has not rejected my prayer or removed his steadfast love from me.”
Therefore, to be like Christ, we must put boredom or disenchantment in the backseat, and focus on what is in front of us – a child of God in need of connection.
All it takes is one conversation — 30 minutes of fellowship is often enough for someone to realize that tomorrow is worth a try. Because you have shown God’s love, you have effectively demonstrated their value — all because you’ve signaled that what they have to say is worth your time. Communication can save a relationship, but a lack of it can sever ties permanently.
The Creator of the world knew that man was not meant to be alone.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says: “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up.”
Happy, trusting relationships are formed and upheld when a person knows that whenever they need to say something — serious or otherwise — those close to them will give their full attention.
After all, wouldn’t you want the same?
Barber is the opinion editor for the Liberty Champion.