Tich’s Take

The sports fan is a different breed than the rest of humanity. Sometimes they are not enjoyable to be around — whether it is during a big game and they cannot stop yelling at the screen or after a big loss and you do not know how to console them.

Dealing with the sports fan after a big loss is one of the least fun things in life probably. The first thing you should know when dealing with an angry/depressed fan who just saw his or her favorite team lose a heartbreaking game is that there really is not anything good you can say.

But there are plenty of wrong things you can say. If you can stay away from these few certain phrases, you should be able to avoid getting the coffee table thrown at
you, at least.

“There’s always next year.”

Looking forward to next year would not be so bad if next year did not always suck just as much. Next year brings an equal amount of pain and sorrow and depression and sadness and awfulness as the present year. Eventually (usually about 2-3 hours after the loss), the sports fan will convince himself that next year will actually be better, but this needs to be something they do in their own brains. Do not accelerate this process.

“It’s just a game.”

Monopoly is “just a game.” Chutes and ladders is “just a game.” No game involving someone’s favorite team is “just a game.” The sports fan cannot truly say why he or she cares so much. There is not a good explanation, really. But the sports fan does care, and that is all that matters. Everyone cares about certain things that they probably should not care so much about. Be sensitive to the sports fan or he or she might throw the dust from the bottom of the Cheetos bag on your brand-new sweater and ask, “Why do you care so much about your stupid sweater?”

“Think of all the good times you had this year.”

There will be time to think of all the great moments a fan’s team had during the season. There will be a time to go on YouTube and watch that regular-season upset that nobody saw coming. There will be a time to rewatch that buzzer-beater that changed the direction of the season. Right after a season-ending loss is not that time. Just know that.

“Man, y’all were so close.”

This is the equivalent of seeing your friend break his or her leg and then kicking him or her in that leg. The sports fan will be talking about a close, heartbreaking game for the rest of his or her life probably. Every painful loss sticks with the sports fan. Every one. Never remind him or her of any of those moments.

“I called that one.”

Only a true monster would say something like this, but true monsters are out there and need to be called out. No way around it, you are the worst friend ever if you rub a loss in the sports fan’s face because it brings you personal gain. Even if it is your team that ends the sports fan’s season, have some respect. Give him or her a pat on the back. Pour him or her a nice tall glass of Diet Sunkist. Be a real friend.

“At least you are not a Cubs fan.”

Actually, this one would probably make the sports fan laugh. Sorry, Cubs fans. There’s always next year.

TICHENOR is the sports editor.