Not Like Other Girls
April 26, 2021
“I’m not like other girls.” Maybe it’s not a phrase you’ve heard directly out of someone’s mouth, but I’m sure you’ve heard it in the form of, “Other girls (fill in the blank), but I….” It’s not just girls, boys do it too. “Some guys (fill in the blank), but I….” It’s portrayed in media as well: social, visual, and print. Whether it’s the “quirky and unique” girls on TikTok or a male character in a movie who reads poetry in a school full of jocks, we are surrounded by the “I’m not like other girls” phenomenon. This is not a new troupe either. Breaking the norm has been popular for decades at least, if not centuries. In the 20s it was flappers, in the 50s it was greasers, in the 90s it was grunge girls – the list is endless.
While this trend can be seen clearly through social media, it has been popularized most through books, movies, and television shows. Think about the movies you have seen most recently. Over the weekend, I watched 10 Things I Hate About You. The main character, loveable Kat Stratford, has one defining feature – she is not like other girls. While she is not as popular as her typical teenage sister, she is romanticized as deeper than all the others because she doesn’t care about boys, or parties, or even being nice like all the other shallow girls. Rather, she likes punk, backing into cars, and badgering her English teacher. The more movies with female leads you watch, the more you’ll probably notice the main character is not like other girls.
This phenomenon came to a head in 2019 when memes about the “not like other” girls started circulating. These memes flipped the table and put down the girls who try to be distinctive. Both sides of the coin are harmful because of their inflation of one thing and put down of others. Some inflate their egos by putting down girls who hold to feminine stereotypes, and others turn girls who don’t hold to feminine social norms into harsh memes.
Still, now more than ever it seems we are desperate to stand out from the crowd. We are afraid to be basic. Many of us show we have this fear in the silliest of ways. Personally, I remember purposely not buying a pair of Air Force 1 shoes and not trying a pumpkin spice latte (which I will now admit I like) for years, because I was afraid to be like all the other girls. Maybe you try to make sure your music is really out there and cool, or maybe you only take pictures on disposables to set yourself apart from all the iPhone cameras.
Where does this need for individualism come from? While most are under the perception that individualism is mostly found in Western cultures, recent studies have shown that it is on the rise all around the world. Countries who seem to place greater value on individualism tend to have a few things in common including socio-economic development, less infectious diseases, and less climactic stress. This relates to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Cultures that are less focused on simply surviving are able to focus on more psychological needs, like the need for individualism or self-discovery. So, in a way, it is a blessing that the “I’m not like other girls” phenomenon exists; it means our culture largely feels safe, provided for, and is free enough to explore self-identity.
It has to be noted though, that even though we so often want to stand out, even those who do usually fall into some sort of label be it flapper, greaser, grunge, soft girl… you name it. It’s interesting that so many of us have the desire to belong to a community while also having the desire to be an identifiable individual.
The need for community is also highly observable. Friendship and bonds with others have been proven to increase happiness, prevent stress, and lessen the likelihood of depression. In fact, neuroscience has shown that the circuits in our brain are similar for social and tangible situations, meaning our brains have the same reward and punishment systems for our interactions with people and things. So, a positive interaction with a friend can have the same neurological effect as doing your favorite activity. On the other hand, an altercation with someone important to you or an embarrassing moment can be comparable to a physical injury. One research study by a Stanford psychologist found that when minority college freshmen received encouragement from senior students about the transitional hardships of college they had improved well-being and academic performance over the time of their college experience.
How should we deal with this phenomenon from a Biblical perspective? I think the way God has designed His church answers both the need for belonging and the need to be an individual. 1 Corinthians 12 opens by talking about spiritual gifts. Everyone who has the Holy Spirit has been given at least one spiritual gift for the good of the Church. The beauty of this is that there is not one spiritual gift; there are many, and we are each gifted in unique ways. This so wonderfully answers our desire to be unique.
Even more, 1 Corinthians 12 not only provides an answer to our need for individuality, but it also gives the answer to belonging. It goes on to talk about how we are many members of one body – the body of Christ. It says, “For the body does not consist of one member but of many. […] But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. If all were a single member, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, yet one body” (14,18-20). We were made unique but not for ourselves. We were made a unique individual, so we can contribute to and help build up the Church.
So, in this, we can walk with confidence. I encourage you to enjoy what you enjoy – basic or unlike anyone else. Go ahead and drink a pumpkin spice latte if you like them, or if the music you like is crazy out there, keep listening to it! If you have put your faith in Christ and received the Holy Spirit, you can be assured that you are both unique and also belong to something much greater than yourself.
References:
ESV Bible
https://thebottomline.as.ucsb.edu/2019/10/im-not-like-other-girls
https://studybreaks.com/thoughts/pick-me
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-cultures/201704/belonging
Written by: Courtney Stone
Courtney is a Business Administration: Digital Marketing and Advertising major. She enjoys writing for the blog as a way to explore relevant topics and grow in written communication.