Context or Pretext: A husband’s death

God created marriage on earth to act as the picture of Christ and the church. Marriage is meant to point the world to the direction of Christ’s perfect love for his bride. Of course, I think of Ephesians 5:25 when the apostle Paul calls on husbands to love their wives “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

I also think of John 15:13 when Christ tells his disciples there is no greater love than when one “lay(s) down one’s life for one’s friends.” This is exactly what Christ did for both his disciples and the future church. 

I receive the honor and responsibility of entering marriage with the love of my life next month. Our wedding day is May 16. While I’m exceedingly excited to enter this form of ministry, it took me a while to fully understand what my role as a husband will look like. Reading through passages like 1 Timothy 3:1-7, Titus 1:5-9 and Ephesians 5:22-33, I meet great challenges and standards to not only reach as a husband, but also as a man of God. 

Growing up, I had always observed two types of husbands: the passive passerby or the despotic dictator. Both are certainly extremes, but this sadly lies the case for a number of Christian-American marriages. Praise God I understand I don’t have to choose between the two — but where do my choices lie?

As I walked through the selected passages, I noticed that most “callings” for a husband are simple characteristics. For example, 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1 give basic qualifications for leaders within a church, but they should be valued and sought after by any man. Frustratingly, more than that, Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” 

So, I know I’m called to meet certain standards as a man which point to my marital relationship, and I’m also called to love my wife. In my mind, this is way too vague. I ask myself, “Should I think this way? What about specifics? What is my actual role in my future marriage?” I need actions to show my role. I know love is also an active action, but what does that specifically look like?

Then I looked at the roles of a God-fearing wife in Proverbs 31:10-31 and thought about it on a deeper level. A good wife is the most excellent and epic person ever — competent, highly intelligent, confident, praiseworthy and so much more.

Proverbs 31 explains action after action of what a good wife does — “She considers a field and buys it,” “She opens her hand to the poor,” “She makes bed coverings for herself,” “She laughs at the time to come,” “She rises while it is yet night and provides food.”

There are so many descriptions of a good wife’s role right there. The passage also speaks of her husband in verse 23 — “Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.” Her husband also completely trusts her, and he praises her everywhere he goes.

Finally, some actions I can attribute to my future role. It was after reading Proverbs 31:10-31, intentionally understanding roles, when it clicked. Perhaps, wives are meant to work, and husbands are meant to work to equip and praise their wives. Maybe leadership within a marriage isn’t what I’ve been thinking this whole time. 

Looking back to Ephesians 5, the whole idea of loving like Jesus made sense. While this may occur, I’m not exclusively called to die physically for my wife if she’s placed in danger. Christ did physically die, but he also died to himself every day for the sake of his bride. A husband’s role in his marriage is to die. That’s it. Every husband must die to himself just as Christ did for his bride, the church. 

If Christ’s relationship with the church is synonymous to that of a husband and wife, then the same should go for every other action. Christ commanded his disciples to work, and he equips them to do that effectively. He praises his bride by sanctifying her for a day when he presents her to himself, holy and without blemish, as it says in Ephesians 5. 

He humbly died to himself. He stripped away any opportunity he had to boast in his power and knowledge and gave his bride the opportunity to do well. Instead of glorifying himself, he will give glory to his bride because she will be made perfect and holy. 

In my life, this looks like shutting down anxiety about not doing enough for the preparation of the wedding — or not being anxious that my fiancée is doing too much of the work. As the leader, I shouldn’t feel the need to control every decision we make. These are not things I should be concerned about. My perspective should be that I love my future wife, so I should work to equip her and praise her for the wonderful and faithful work she’s already doing while guiding her and sanctifying her as I submit to Christ. 

This is a small example compared to what I’m sure marriage will be like, but I know it’s a start, and I’m excited to be partnered with a God-fearing wife so that we may place the gospel on display and continue to glorify Christ with our lives.

Duvall is the opinion editor for the Liberty Champion. Follow him on Twitter