Missionary Kid Reflects On Challenges Of Leaving Her Childhood Culture

Moving to northeastern Asia as missionaries meant Alia Etter’s family experienced many culture shocks. Soon after they moved to China, a Korean friend made the family dinner and, as is Asian custom, kept the eyes inside the shrimp. When Etter’s 8-year-old sister went to grab a shrimp, she screamed that “they were looking at her,” a reaction the family continues to joke about to this day by putting shrimp eyes on her plate. But China became home, so when they moved back to the U.S. in 2012, Etter experienced a whole new set of culture shocks that still impacts her today. 

Etter was born at the end of her parents’ deputation in preparation to be missionaries. Soon after her birth, the family moved to South Korea, living there for four years. 

After living in South Korea, her family moved to China to run a restaurant. Christianity is strictly controlled in China; however, her family’s mission was to share the gospel and create disciples.

“A lot of the Christians in this country are very on fire for the Lord but didn’t have a lot of theological depth,” Etter said. 

Etter lived in China from age 4 to 12. Although her friends grew up in the Chinese school systems, she was homeschooled. The community she lived in had a heavy Korean influence, so it was easier for them to understand the language. In South Korea, they had a fairly large missionary community with around 30 to 40 families, but that consistency changed when they moved to China where the missionary community had around 10 families. 

All of Etter’s relatives lived in the United States. Her mother’s side lived in Mississippi and her father’s lived in South Carolina at the time. Etter relied on emails and Skype calls to grow a relationship with her family who lived state side. 

“Trying to get a time difference was the hardest part. It is about an 18-hour time difference,” Etter said.

In 2012, the family adopted Hanissa, and due to her health concerns, they took an 18-month medical furlough. A furlough is when people come back to their passport country in order to raise more support, visit churches or take care of any needs they have. Believing the Lord was going to move them back to Asia, Etter and her family spent their medical furlough at their sending church in Colorado.

This transition proved to bring several challenges for Etter and her family. They all had the same desire – return overseas, specifically to Asia. After the 18 months, the Lord made it clear to them that the U.S. would remain their home, but Etter said she struggled to find closure about that decision.

“There was a lot of pain and anger that came with this move,” Etter said. “And the decision to stay in America made that a lot harder and a lot more prevalent in our minds.”

According to Etter, there are not a lot of resources in support of the reintegration process for missionaries. A common misconception is the idea that when they moved back to the United States it would be like a return home. Home, however, is not the United States for many missionary kids, including Etter.

Generally, every four years, Etter and her family would travel back to the U.S. for four months. During this time, they lived out of a van and traveled around the U.S. visiting various churches. Even when she visited the states, she never planted roots.

“I’d never really had a home in America to look forward to be returning to,” Etter said. 

Now, Etter has a heart for being in the U.S. for other missionary kids and their families. Etter has the ability to identify with the struggles that many students face and wants to be there for other missionary families during their reintegration process. Etter has not returned to Asia since moving away in 2013, and understands what it’s like to not have that closure. 

“Missionary kids are really good at acting like everything is okay,” Etter said. “Even though you might be hurting and angry and crying on the inside, on the outside you look like you’re happy and have a strong walk with God.” 

Etter asks for prayer and understanding for missionary kids who feel like they do not belong.    

“A prayer for belonging and understanding that our home is in Christ, and wherever Christ is, we belong there,” Etter said. 

Peyton MacKenzie is a Feature Reporter. Follow her on Twitter at @PeytMacK.