Column: 2018 NBA Finals Predictions

The Capitals are choking, Yankees fans are assuring their friends that this is their year and Gregg Popovich has every member of the media on edge. Ah yes, spring is in the air, and spring means playoff basketball.

Here are my initial thoughts through game one of each matchup:

• Congratulations to the Warriors on winning their third championship in four seasons.
• Does anybody else on the Cavaliers play basketball besides LeBron?
• Lance Stevenson is a national treasure.
• Are we sure Ben Simmons is a rookie?
• Are we sure Donovan Mitchell is a rookie?
• I wish I had one-tenth the confidence of JR Smith.
• Derrick Rose still plays basketball?!?
• Does Russell Westbrook get to wear whatever he wants because he’s the highest paid player in the league or because he’s averaged a triple double for three straight seasons? Or both?
• Anthony Davis needs to be on the FBI’s most wanted list because there is no way a normal human being can be so incredibly dominant at basketball while simultaneously sporting a unibrow.
• If I had a dollar for every weak foul called on James Harden, I could actually afford to shop at the school bookstore.
• LeBron James’ big taste Sprite commercial needs to be stopped, and it needs to be stopped now.

Now here are my predictions for each series:

Spurs vs. Warriors (Warriors lead 1-0)

Here is a list of people on the Spurs that can guard Kevin Durant: (Hint: nobody can guard Kevin Durant.) The Warriors are going to easily beat one of the best-coached teams in the league without Steph Curry. Also ‘where in the world is Kawhi Leonard’ has a nice ring to it. Get your brooms folks this is going to be a sweep.

Heat vs. 76ers (76ers lead 1-0)

TRUST THE PROCESS. Ben Simmons bullied the Heat without Joel Embiid; this should be an easy series for the Sixers. As much as I enjoy watching people fall for Dwayne Wade’s pump fakes, I don’t think the Heat can keep up with the talented young core of Philly. Sixers over Heat 4-2.

Bucks vs. Celtics (Celtics lead 1-0)

The Celtics have been overlooked coming into the playoff because they’ve lost Kyrie Irving for the season, but they’ve shown they are still in the running. If the Bucks want to take down the Celtics they have to find someone to take the workload off of the Greek Freak’s back. As Brandon Jennings once proudly said, Bucks in six. (4-2)

Jazz vs. Thunder

This is easily the best matchup of the first round. You’ve got two teams who shine defensively, but on the other end the Thunder thrive on their two stars (forgive me Melo), while the Jazz are led by a rookie and they play stellar team basketball. This matchup can easily go either way, but I’m taking the Jazz 4-3, and yes I picked the Jazz because I am a Ricky Rubio super fan.

Wizards vs. Raptors (Raptors lead 1-0)

(Insert DC sports joke here.) The Wizards are 3-10 in their last 13 games, they’ve gotten cold at the worst time possible. Here’s a fun fact for you: Otto Porter makes more than Anthony Davis, Giannis Antetokounmpo, Victor Oladipo, Kyrie Irving (I’m just going to stop here but just know there’s a lot more). The Raptors have an opportunity to be the team that gets to lose to the Warriors in the finals. Raptors 4-2 over the Wiz kids.

Pelicans vs. Trailblazers (Pelicans lead 1-0)

First off can we acknowledge how lame it is to have your team name be ‘the Pelicans?’ Okay now that that’s out of the way, Anthony Davis cannot be contained and when Jrue Holiday plays to his potential then this team can do some damage. But you also can’t count out Damian Lillard and C.J. McCollum. I think the Pelicans defense will continue to overwhelm the Trailblazers – Pelicans over Rip City 4-3.

Pacers vs. Cavaliers (Pacers lead 1-0)

LeBron James had swept his past three opponents in the first round of the playoffs, but his past three opponents didn’t have Victor Oladipo. The Cavs had no answer to Oladipo in game one as he dropped 32 points, and meanwhile Lance Stephenson was head-butting the stanchion (before you look that up, it just means the base part of the hoop with the padding over it.) However, logic tells me I can’t bet against LeBron James en route to his eighth straight NBA finals, Cavaliers over the Pacers 4-2.

Rockets vs. Timberwolves (Rockets lead 1-0)

James Harden is this season’s MVP, regardless of how many weak foul calls he draws. But the Timberwolves have three all-star caliber players in Karl-Anthony Towns, Andrew Wiggins and Jimmy Butler, so they will definitely put up a good fight. Frankly this series comes down to stopping Harden, and his 44 points in game one seem pretty telling. Rockets over Timberwolves 4-3.