Finding a forever home
Family Life Services provides young women with an alternative to abortion
More than 18 years ago, Lexi Ulmer’s parents traveled across the world to Romania to adopt her from a local orphanage.
Since her two older siblings were also adopted from Romania, her parents never hid that aspect of her identity. Ulmer grew up taking pride in her story and using it as a way to reach out to other adopted children.
“It’s always something I’ve been open about,” Ulmer said. “Whenever someone says to share a fun fact, I always tell that I’m adopted. I’m proud of it, and I’m so thankful for it, so I want others to know.”
As a sophomore at Liberty University on the women’s lacrosse team, Ulmer sees how her adoption has changed the trajectory of her life and given her opportunities she might have never had.
Many other Liberty students like Ulmer are adopted, and all have different stories. Adoptees have a variety of backgrounds and experiences shaped both by their genetics and their adoptive families.
Deanne Hamlette is the director of Family Life Services, a domestic adoption agency in partnership with the Liberty Godparent Home. Family Life Services was founded in 1983 to provide pregnant women at the Godparent Home with an alternative to abortion.
SUPPORT — Located on campus, FLS offers adoption placement nationwide. Photo credit: Matthew Pierce
According to Hamlette, adoptees like Ulmer who grew up knowing their story from the beginning are able to process that aspect of their identity in a healthy way.
“What we’ve found through research is that adoptees who know about their adoption from the beginning and know all there is to know about their birth families do better,” Hamlette said. “They adjust better and formulate their identity better.”
Moriah Miller, a sophomore studying nursing at Liberty, said her parents never hid the fact that she was adopted from South Korea as an infant. However, since Miller looks like her adopted mom, most people assume she is her parents’ biological daughter.
Because her parents normalized her adoption from the beginning, Miller said she feels that being adopted was not a significant part of her identity.
“My mom said it was important that I wasn’t deprived of anything,” Miller said. “Being adopted never really impacted my life negatively.”
However, not all adoptees have the same positive experiences that Ulmer and Miller had. According to Hamlette, obvious racial difference between the adoptees and their parents can cause more tension.
“We have a lot of transracial families, and that’s not a bad thing at all,” Hamlette said. “But there can be times in a child’s growing up years when that’s difficult to deal with.”
While many look at adoption from the perspective of the adoptive family, Hamlette said Family Life Services is committed to supporting the birth parents as well as the adoptees and adoptive parents.
“The foundation of everything we do is that we want to find families for children, and we are not motivated by finding children for families,” Hamlette said. “That impacts every way in which we work with people.”
Hamlette said adoption is never an easy choice for birth moms, and Family Life Services works to support them through the various difficulties. In 2015, they counseled 14 pregnant women considering adoption.
“They lose their child, and there’s a very definite grieving process to that loss they go through,” Hamlette said. “But they gain the opportunity to pursue goals for themselves and build a more stable future that maybe will allow them to parent children later.”
After Ulmer graduates from Liberty, she plans to travel to Romania with her family in hopes of finding her birth mom.
“Knowing that such a young girl who had an unfortunate circumstance still loved me enough to have me — that to me means more than anything else in this world,” Ulmer said. “Before she even knew me, she loved me and carried me for nine months. I want her to know how much I appreciate it.”
Because Ulmer has seen the power of adoption in her own life, she said she definitely hopes to adopt some day.
“I have such a unique bond with my parents knowing that they chose me and they wanted me,” Ulmer said. “They came so far to save this young child who could have just been left on the streets.”
covey is a feature reporter.