Emotional wellness
Students look for relational living
According to Dr. Arllen Ade, a professional counselor and adjunct professor at Liberty, everyone desires to connect to other people. All people feel the need to be loved, even if they may not know where that need arises from or how to fulfill it.
Ring by spring — Christian colleges have a high pressure to marry. Photo credit: RJ Goodwin
Humans were created for relationships.
“If you were created by God, as we believe all people are, then the only way to start understanding relationships in a balanced and mentally healthy way would be to find yourself in God, your place in God, your identity in God, and then you will be able to branch out and love others well and appropriately receive love from others,” Ade said.
When students go off to college, the expectation that they could find their future spouse is not uncommon. However, that expectation seems to increase at Christian universities, and Liberty University is no exception.
“I think coming from the Christian perspective, men and women are hopeful when they come to a Christian university that they will find that person,” Liberty sociology professor J.J. Cole said. “There is a pressure that if you don’t meet someone at a Christian school, then you may never find that right person.”
Cole and Ade both suggested that single people should reach out to their other single friends and express their appreciation to them.
“This would be a beautiful time to look for other people that you can hang out with who may not be in a relationship as well so that together you can mutually be there for one another,” Ade said.
The majority of those who come into counseling for relational issues are females, but this affects males as well. According to Ade, those who seek counseling for such issues are normally facing a situational or temporary problem like a break-up. Another situational problem is those who have experienced heartache when desiring to be with someone.
“When I see students who are dealing with relational problems, it is often related to the grieving process that follows after they have experienced a break-up,” Ade said.
Ade noted that these situations can also trigger other issues and make them worse. How a person handles a situation has to do with what psychologists call a schema, which is the way people view the world, the way they view others, and the way they view themselves. This is generally developed during childhood or in his or her developmental years when they are learning how the world works through the influence of others.
“Depending on the schema of the individual, whatever happens to them as far as whether or not they get into a relationship, the psychological effects or their responses to it will be different,” Ade said.
Someone with a maladaptive schema will have an unhealthy view of relationships, causing them to rely too much or too little on others. Ade explained that those with a regular, balanced and healthy schema will have healthier relationships.
According to Ade, the key is balance. To be holistically healthy, a person must be healthy physically, psychologically, socially and spiritually. Each of these areas involves a certain amount of balance as well. In their social life, a person needs to regulate his or her relationships and not focus too much time or attention on only one individual. Other individuals in their social support system could be very helpful if a special relationship is suffering or ends up badly.
Cole encouraged students not to become too obsessed with finding the right someone, but rather to relax and enjoy their time alone.
“Be confident in the Lord, and be comfortable that it is his timing,” Cole said. “Being content, and having the spirit of contentment is
important.”
Cole noted that at Liberty there is a good support system for people who are struggling. For more information, email studentcare@liberty.edu or call 434-582-2651.
Glossner is a news reporter.