How to survive finals
Satire: the ultimate end-of-the-semster exam tutorial for college students
Panic — Enduring final exam week is an inescapable struggle every student faces at the end of each semester of their college experience. Photo credit: Courtney Russo
When the cool days, gray skies and colorful leaves of late November and December roll around each year, the collective brain of the population of this celestial ball that we live on turns toward the holiday season. Lights are hung, songs are played, presents are bought and wrapped, food is cooked and the general spirit of the population is uplifted.
However, no matter how much joy and good tidings are spread around the globe, there are several spots where the gloom cannot be lifted — university campuses. On the average university campus, the month of December means one thing — final exams week. This horrific beast of a week is filled with tests and assessments, leaving no student untouched by its terror. It clutches every student in its depressing, high-stakes claws, eliminating those who do not know its ins and outs, getting the best of those who do not possess the tools to properly defeat it.
As a senior with a double major, I have been fighting this terrible beast for four years. Over the course of seven semesters, I have fought, triumphed and lived to tell about it. It is for this reason that my editor at the Champion has asked me to put together a little “how-to” list for readers looking to triumph over this frantic finals frenzy. So with a little help from some of my other wise and scholarly friends, I have put together “The Ultimate Guide for
Surviving Finals Week.”
1. Studying helps if you do it right
As many people know, studying is very important to defeating the finals monster. However, how much and how hard to study is widely debated by many of the great scholars of our generation. But do not worry or fret. I have the answer. The key is to not over-study. You really only need to put a couple hours into it to get the important elements. Do not stress. If you cannot memorize it in an hour, it is not important enough to go on the final. The experts agree with me. According to Samuel Eisbrenner, an international business major, studying whiz and guy with great hair, minimal studying guarantees
success.
“When I study for finals, I like to wait as long as I can up until the final, like within a few hours before it, then I study,” Eisbrenner said. “That way, I remember it, because it is all fresh in my mind.”
As far as studying methods go, Levi Smith, an accounting major and a guy with a great smile, has some advice for you.
“Watching YouTube videos intermittently while studying really helps you remember and stay focused on the material,” Smith said.
2. Sleep is not crucial
Leading up to finals week, you may hear that sleeping habits can make all the difference in the battle against the beast. I could not agree more. However, once again, a fine balance is needed. If you choose to disregard my advice in the last section — and the
methods suggested by the experts — by spending many hours studying, make sure you stay awake all night doing it.
“Staying up all night, getting as little sleep as possible is the best way to stay focused on your exam,” Kathryn Aylett, a nursing major, said.
Many say this will lead to you being too drained, causing you to sleep through your exam. If this is the case, do not stress. You have just averted a disaster.
“If you sleep through your finals, you won’t have to deal with them, therefore they don’t exist,” criminal justice major Patrick Daugherty said.
You do not lose 100 percent of the wars you do not fight.
3. Professors are your friends
The last piece of advice to add to this guide is something of a best-kept secret at many universities. However, I am here to
let you in on this secret, Champion reader.
Despite what you may think, your professors are on your side, and if you speak with enough conviction, they are always willing to move exam times to best fit your schedule. Any exam time is movable if you try hard enough and if you make the professor cookies.
So when final exam week rolls around, the stress is not necessary. Just pull out your copy of the Liberty Champion and consult this very handy guide to defeating the finals week monster. You will fly through with minimal damage and march proudly into your Christmas break.
SMITH is an opinion writer.