Spiritual Trauma: From Rose-Colored Lenses to Shades

April 17, 2019

My childhood was “normal” in the best way: it was filled with beautiful moments with my family. I was always going to amusement parks, hitting the road to places like the Grand Canyon, and I had every opportunity to try any sport I wanted. Life was generally full of bliss. I never lacked an imagination and was always exposed to new experiences.

As I was growing up, those childlike rose-colored lenses began to change shades. Eventually, by the age of seventeen, my lenses had changed to an entirely different color and I no longer saw the world the same. We each reach that moment in life, whether we are far too young to be forced into a dark world or we don’t experience evil until we are adults.

I grew up in church and was very familiar with how the Christian faith was played out within the context of four walls. A month before I graduated from high school, I received news that my youth pastor was resigning from his position for reasons I could not know. A world I once knew was shattered in a quick moment and I wasn’t sure how to handle each emotion that came flooding into my body. All of the youth in my church were told we were not allowed to speak to him or have any contact with him at all. Confusion and the sense of loss started to creep in to each of our minds. How could a person be in our life one moment and gone in the next, yet still be alive?

Eventually, more information was unintentionally exposed and I found out why he was forced to resign. He had an emotional affair with a student. It was so hard to swallow that news, and I imagine that is because we, as the Church, can sometimes become numb to affairs. The Christian Church isn’t always the best at handling affairs, fraud, and countless other scandals. My point in this is not to simply talk about pastors and accuse them of doing wrong over the years. My point is to discuss spiritual trauma.

Spiritual trauma can happen at the hands of leaders but also between church attendees. The stories I have heard over the years, ones I will not share because they are not mine to expose, are incredibly horrific. I am sure many of you can use your imagination or watch the news to find out the countless heartbreaking stories that have unfolded in the Church. Suffering and trauma in the Church is one of the most underexposed and least discussed issues from the pulpit.

Trauma is when experience in your life creates some kind of distress or disturbance. I was not aware of my spiritual trauma until years after the experience occurred. I can vividly remember sitting in my room with my best friend from church and going through all the different encounters we had with the youth pastor. Each memory we would share, would end with “wow, that was so inappropriate”, and at the end we felt like victims. Spiritual trauma is difficult to work through and you may never have the desire to return to a community of believers. You may have walked away from Jesus and be terrified to enter back into that life, but I encourage you to seek healing. The process of healing is so important and is something I hope churches across the world begin to implement into their communities.

Seek a form of healing that works for you and can push you toward restoration. Of course, I hope you can find reconciliation with God if that relationship was strained from the trauma, but there are many other ways to find healing. Clinical counseling, which is speaking with a trained professional on how to take steps to unpack and heal from the trauma, is so important. For me, I chose active ways to heal because my trauma and stress are usually driven somatically, so physical healing was important to me. I chose to start practicing yoga, meditation and to find time outside where I can feel at peace but also experience the power of God. Reconnection to the power of the Creator was important for me to believe that God was still good in every hurt that was inflicted by an individual claiming the name of Jesus. For me, I knew I needed to take active approaches toward healing my soul and cleansing my relationship with the Church. I hope after reading this you find yourself taking a step toward healing or helping a friend or loved one seek restoration from spiritual trauma.

Sources

https://spiritualtraumarecovery.com/

https://theliturgists.com/spiritual-trauma-podcast-page/

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