Three Reasons to Marry for Love

March 24, 2014

In the post-modern world, societal mores are changing in all aspects of life —not least of which is that of marriage, perhaps the oldest social institution of them all. Some sources (www.prb.org) suggest that close to 108 billion people have lived on the earth since life began, and no one would doubt that marriage was an important event for the majority of those people, regardless of their cultures.

Unfortunately, historians and sociologists do not have an exhaustive reservoir of cultural data to examine regarding marriage throughout history. We know about the lives of the rich and the famous, but scant about the commoners in their society. Yet, often without any evidence to back it up, one can read in the media assertions like, “For most of human history, marriage wasn’t a very romantic institution. It was more akin to a business deal between men, the bride in question had very few rights or other options” (people.howstuffworks.com), and “When love entered the picture as the reason to marry, dissolutions became more commonplace” (www.psychologytoday.com).  Proclamations like these only add darkness to the matter and provide an ulterior, but not necessarily helpful explanation for the presence of divorce and annulment.

Reading the article in Psychology Today entitled, “Three Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Marry for Love” (Gadoua 2013), it is evident that modern thinking discards traditional understanding and incentives for marriage, opting for a more self-serving agenda. Considering the individualistic spirit of the age, it is not surprising; however, shallow argumentation is evident, especially concerning marriage in the context of Christianity.

The article begins with the (incorrect) axiom of “But if you really think about it, love is a luxury.”   The dictionary defines a luxury as “an inessential, desirable item that is expensive or difficult to obtain,” but if love comes from within a person’s heart and mind, then its expression and application costs nothing, materially.  

The author, Gadoua, continues, “When you marry for love, it generally means you have all—or at least most—of your other needs met (like food, shelter, warmth, etc).” Few young adults have luxurious riches when they decide to wed; typically, it is the opposite—couples with no steady job or abundant income for either, with more bills than money, but still with a long-term expectation of loving and working and struggling to survive. 

According to the article, however, “in our attempt to make marriage stronger by raising the bar to meet our higher love and romance needs, we have seriously weakened the institution. These are both highly changeable emotions: When love wanes, the marriage gets shaky; when the romance stops, the nuptials die.”  The mistake in this evaluation is the author’s separation of “love” and “romance.”

In C.S. Lewis’ book, The Four Loves, Lewis presents the basic types of love demonstrated in humanity: Storge or natural affection, Philia or friendship, Eros or romance, and Agape or charity, which is the highest, selfless form of all loves. Each one of these kinds of love has a different goal and implementation, and working together can bring harmony and health to any relationship.  The problem is if one embraces or exhibits only one of these in a marriage or intimate relationship; then, the union will be strained, which the article misses in its conclusions on marriage.

Instead, Gadoua offers, “People whose primary reason to marry is other than love — such as to have children with someone they believed would be a good co-parent, to have financial security, or for companionship — generally have longer and perhaps better marriages because their choices are made for a defined purpose.”  Of course, the author offers no evidence or statistics to back up this jaw-dropping advice. She concludes, “I’m not saying love shouldn’t be on the list of things that need to be in your relationship, but it doesn’t need to be number one (and perhaps shouldn’t be).”

For the Christian, though, love must begin all life choices.  In Matthew 22 (ESV), Jesus commands, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Such advice negates the self-focused, problematic guidance in Gadous’ article.

Wisdom and love comes from someone outside of us—God, whose amazing love for us, once embraced, covers and flows through us to everyone else, spouses included. This good counsel is seen in other Biblical passages. 1 John 4 (ESV) states,

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.

In simplifying marriage to a mere social contract present to provide mental peace and physical comfort alone, Gadoua has missed the holistic nature and divine origins of love, which begins in and is sustained through productive, charitable actions without absolute certainty of reaping benefits for oneself.  It is hard to see the big picture when you only stare into a mirror.

Marriages don’t fold because spouses are kind, affectionate, self-sacrificing, and understanding. Unions end because of self-absorption and hatred, because of an unwillingness to submit to God’s ethical design for relationships.  Gadoua places the focus on what one can get from the marriage; God places the focus on what one can give to the marriage. It is doubtful that any marriage would end if spouses simply and devotedly followed Paul’s advice in 1 Corinthians 13 (ESV):

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

In contrast, Gadoua’s article reminds me of the book of Ecclesiastes, with its emphasis on human pursuits without God (and His love) in the center—vanity, vanity--a chasing after the wind.  Instead, let us follow God’s lead in our relationships and in marriage, which, after all, is just a glimpse of the joy to be had for eternity in Heaven.

Thus, I end with my own three reasons why you must marry for love.

  1. God is love and expects us to be loving if we are His followers.
  2. Love is the only power that can truly heal emotional, psychological, and spiritual wounds.
  3. Love is the only force that is eternal, leaving behind a legacy influencing others for good.

 

- John S. Knox, PhD

Adjunct Professor of Apologetics

What Every Pastor Needs from His Flock

March 5, 2014

     I have often heard what churches need from their pastor. Usually the expectations are set extremely high. Today, I would like to reverse the equation and provide a glimpse of what a pastor needs from his flock. Here are my thoughts.

  1. He needs for you to embrace a biblical understanding of his role and responsibility. God has called him to shepherd the flock of which you are a part. God holds him accountable to lead, feed, and intercede. That comes from Acts 6 where Deacons are appointed to assist the pastors with the work of the ministry. You must understand that for your pastor, it is not just a job. It is a calling from God.

  2. He needs your prayers. In Ephesians, Paul asked the congregation to pray for him. During the crisis time leading up to Jesus' crucifixion, death, burial, and resurrection, Jesus told Peter that Satan had requested to "sift you like wheat." Then Jesus states, "but I have prayed for you." If Paul and Peter needed prayer on their behalf, certainly your pastor does as well. Every pastor trying to accomplish God's work faces tremendous opposition from the world, the flesh, and the devil. Please pray for him. You have no idea what he is dealing with on a daily basis and it is difficult to understand the burden he carries as God's shepherd of your flock.

  3. He needs your loyalty. By this, I mean loyalty to the Lord, to him, and to your local church family. When you become a member of a congregation, certain obligations come and one of those is your support. Let me suggest that you talk with your pastor to see if disagreements, disappointments or differences of opinion can be worked out. No doubt, expectations clearly understood and clarifications should be made if possible. If you cannot be supportive of your pastor and you find yourself at an impasse, that may well be an indicator that you need to be in another church.

  4. He needs your commitment to a biblical vision. This means that you embrace the biblical mandates that the church exists to fulfill the Great Commission, to impact your community and the world with the gospel, and to equip believers to accomplish the work of the ministry. Way too many churches seem to have lost that biblical vision of why they exist. Some even go so far as to question whether or not a church which has become completely inward focused instead of outward focused is even a church in the biblical sense. Perhaps that needs to be studied further.

  5. He needs for you to give him the benefit of the doubt. Every pastor is human and makes mistakes. I challenge you to give him the benefit of the doubt that his heart is in the right place. It amazes me how many church members are quick to be critical and quick to speak. Perhaps we need to be reminded of James' words that we are be swift to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. Before you make a snap judgment or listen to gossip, it would be wise to exercise caution. Way too many pastors have been hurt by carnal gossip, and unquestioned and distorted perceptions of reality. If there is a problem, talk to him not about him.

  6. He needs for you to be present and participating. No one can be present every time the church doors are open, but every member of a church family should be present on a consistent basis. Does not the Scripture admonish us "not to forsake the assembling of ourselves together?"

  7. He needs for you to love him and his family. This includes encouragement, making sure he is provided for, that he has adequate time off, and that he has necessary tools to work with. He needs books, resources, time to learn and appropriate help.

     As a member of the flock, you can help your pastor be the man God has called him to be.

-Jerry Sutton, PhD
Adjunct Professor of Practical Studies
 

Wrestling and Lostness

February 21, 2014

In Matthew 9:36 the Bible tells us that Jesus was moved with compassion when He saw the multitudes.  In our busy lives, with our familiar surroundings, it is often hard for us to see the multitudes of lostness around us.  There are times, however, when the Lord gives us eyes to see.  Such a time happened to me this weekend at an unusual place – a youth wrestling meet.

This was the second year that I accompanied a local youth wrestling team from Las Vegas to the Beehive Brawl in Richfield, Utah.  As the second day of wrestling was about to start all of the kids competing gathered into the stadium’s tunnel and grouped together by their home state.  As the kids came running out there was great excitement.  The house lights were dimmed, rock music was blaring, and spotlights and multicolored lights were flashing as a fog machine rounded out the ensemble of effects to welcome these young athletes.  The crowds cheered as the boys came running out as their state was called.  Finally, the host state, Utah was announced.  Several hundred boys came running into the arena excited to wrestle in such a big tournament as the crowd gave the loudest cheer of the morning.

As I watched these boys run into the arena I was suddenly overwhelmed with the reality that there is a really good possibility that every one of them is lost.  They live in one of the most unreached states in the union that is dominated by the Mormon religion.  Dr. J.D. Payne posted the least reached metro areas in the United States, and Utah, with a population of only 2.8 million, had two cities that took the first and seventh positions.  As I began to process this information, several realities hit me:

  1. The lostness of Utah is great!  The city of Provo is 99.4% lost according to the census data.  That means only 0.6% of that city claims to be a Christian.  How can America, a “Christian Nation,” have a city that lost?
  2. We have no viable plan to actually reach the state with the gospel.  I am not saying that no one is working to reach Utah, but the reality is that we do not have a plan that will sufficiently get a gospel witness to the people of Utah in a timely manner.  I have two good friends who are working to plant churches in Utah.  The problems, however, are that it is a slow work, there are few workers in the harvest, and the support needed for a church plant to survive usually dries up before the church is fully established.
  3. A great wave of persecution will come as people turn to Jesus.  Mormonism is powerful and well organized.  People will lose their jobs, businesses, homes, and community if they turn to Jesus.  This is something that happens on a regular basis anywhere there is an overwhelming Mormon presence in a community.  This makes the task of reaching people with the gospel and planting churches much more complicated.
  4. If the above three observations do not change, then the reality is that most, if not all of the boys I saw today will grow up, live their lives, and then die under a false religion without ever getting to hear the true gospel.

So how does this impact you?  What can you do to change the situation in Utah? 

Let me challenge you to pray for four things:

  1. Pray that God would call out workers into the fields of Utah.
  2. Pray that God would help our churches and denominations develop effective, sustainable church planting models that will endure the strains of persecution.
  3. Pray that families in Utah would come to Christ together.  This will provide needed community for the new believers and allow a movement to begin.
  4. Pray that believers who face persecution would thrive in the midst of it.

I thank the Lord for the times that He opens my eyes to see the multitudes the way He does.  I pray that you too would see the multitudes afresh and that God will use you in a mighty way to be His witness to the lost.  Finally, I pray for those boys and their families – may their eyes be opened to the truth of who Jesus is and what He has done for them!

- Neal H. Creecy, PhD

Instructor of Global Studies

What a Successful Pastor Needs to Know

February 18, 2014

"What you don't know can kill you." This is a common truism which in the case of ministry may be an overstatement. Nonetheless, when it comes to ministry, what you don't know can certainly hurt you. That said, what is it that pastors and ministers need to know? Here are nine knowledge clusters that I believe are critical for ministry success.

1. A successful pastor knows the Scriptures. He knows them intellectually and devotionally. He has worked to understand the structure of the Word, what it says and what it means. More importantly, he has let it shape his own life and ministry, his purposes and priorities. He has a confidence that the Scriptures reveal the mind, heart, ways, and will of God. He is assured that the Scriptures have the spiritual power to transform lives, his own and others. Because of this conviction, he has confidence to stand on God's word as he embraces its promises and obeys its commands. He believes without hesitation that all Scriptures point to Jesus.

2. A successful pastor knows leadership principles. He has worked to understand how to be a leader. He knows how to assess the present condition of his flock and his community. He knows how to go from where he is to where he needs to be. He knows how to persuade those he leads. He understands how authority, responsibility, and accountability interact. He understands the importance of problem solving, decision-making and, planning. He understands how to delegate. He has a grasp of how to recruit and how to provide direction.

3. A successful pastor knows people. He works to understand how each person thinks, feels, and decides. He seeks to understand people's hurts, failings, fears, and scars. He knows that no two people are the same. He is diligent to motivate people and point them to Jesus. He is compassionate yet cautious. He wants to believe the best about people unless he has a clear reason not to. He is constantly on the lookout for wolves among the sheep as Paul warned the Ephesians pastors to do. He understands that everyone is on a spiritual journey and is located on a different part of the maturity-immaturity spectrum. He labors to move people to a closer walk with God. He is not naive, however, about the ravages of sin and the snares of the devil.

4. A successful pastor knows hardship. No ministry is comfortable. No ministry is easy. To be a pastor is to be in constant spiritual war. Temptations, disasters, inconveniences, and pressure never cease. Yet the good news is that God uses the suffering we endure to mature us, to strengthen us, and to equip us for greater service. When we are faithful to our calling, God watches and rewards. The hardships we face prepare us for greater opportunity. Recall David's words to King Saul on how fighting lions and bears had prepared him to face Goliath. Remember how Jesus promised that the one faithful in that which is least will be made ruler over much. Hardship has its benefits.

5. A successful pastor knows systems. Particularly when he looks at the church, his attention is to observe how things operate. He looks for power structures, legitimizers, and past patterns of handling conflict. He understands the dynamics of transitioning the congregation through decision-making and ministry divisions of labor as the church grows. He sees growth restricting obstacles and anticipates needed steps to overcoming them. He is constantly anticipating what needs to be done in the present as well as the future. He is continually crying out for wisdom and discernment. Like Nehemiah of old, he is trying to address problems at hand, deal with the consequences of past failure, and bring about change for the good of the people he leads and the glory of the God he serves.

6. A successful pastor knows the culture. He is diligent in his efforts to see trends, understand who is shaping public perception and mores, and perceive what direction the world is moving. He watches the media with its news and entertainment in an attempt to know what people are thinking. He is not afraid to address the moral and cultural issues as he proclaims God's assessment. He is not concerned with public opinion. He is concerned with God's.

7. A successful pastor knows that he needs to be a learner. He reads, he listens, and he   gives time to cultivating his understanding. He discusses issues and works at increasing his understanding. He not only sets aside time to cultivate his mind, he guards that time. Because he understands that preparation precedes performance, he prepares. He took the time for school and he has now transitioned into becoming a life-long learner.

8. A successful pastor knows what is at stake. When he stands to preach he knows that he represents God and he is God's spokesman. When he ministers to people in their pain, he is God's representative. He realizes that people's response to his messages and witness are a matter of life and death. He understands what is at stake. 

9. Finally, a successful pastor knows that his opportunity is short. He has only so much time to serve God and then it is over. So he works in light of Jesus' words that the night is coming when no one can work. He is constantly aware of Moses' prayer, "Lord, teach us to number our days so that we may gain a heart of wisdom." He desires to make the most of his time and his life. He lives with the sense that he needs to do all he can while can.

These are some things that a successful pastor knows. Let's be diligent to show ourselves approved by God because we have been diligent in our pursuit of knowledge and its application.
 

- Jerry Sutton, PhD

Adjunct Instructor of Church History

Christians and Politics

February 7, 2014

     Each time I moderate the discussion centering around John Calvin, I inadvertently see the same reaction from students.  While some of them find something to emulate from Calvin’s handling of the church in Geneva, the majority of my students responds with the same “you can’t legislate morality” sentiment.  I wonder if I can challenge that sentiment just a bit here.

     I absolutely agree with the understanding that Jesus’ primary function on this earth was the transformation of the heart and not to overthrow the Roman government.  In fact, remember when after the feeding of 5,000 Jesus had to withdraw from the people because He knew that they were going to come and take Him by force in order to make Him a king (John 6:15)?  Certainly, the largest part of that which drove them to want to do so was the fact that they would be the first welfare society on the earth.  After all who wouldn’t want to have a king that can miraculously feed everybody without their doing any work for it?  But I do believe that another reason why Jesus withdrew was because He did not want to engage in a political challenge to Rome, that was not His mission after all.  His primary mission was to offer His life as substitutionary atonement for the sins of humanity and Jesus stayed focused on that.

     Allow me to submit to you that, while we are certainly to emulate Jesus, we must do so intelligently and in the way that is biblically defensible.  As such, it is not valid to say that because Jesus did not get involved in politics, neither should we, for at least two reasons.  First, our political environment is completely different today from that of first century Rome.  There was no context within which a Jew could get involved in the political process of the Roman Empire without being perceived as a threat and ending up crucified. 

 

     Second, our mission on this earth is not to offer our lives as a sacrifice for sin, but to be light and salt in this world (Matthew 5:13-16).  As salt, our presence is to preserve the wicked and sinful generation in which we operate.  I like the way Craig Blomberg expresses this idea as he comments on this passage in The New American Commentary: “Of the numerous things to which salt could refer in antiquity, its use as a preservative in food was probably its most basic function.  Jesus thus calls his disciples to arrest corruption and prevent moral decay in their world (Craig L.Blomberg, Matthew, New American Commentary (Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 1992), 102). And again, “Christians must permeate society as agents of redemption” (Ibid.). As lights, we are to let Jesus, who is the light of the world (John 8:12; 9:5), shine through us exposing the deeds of darkness and illuminating the rest of the world in pointing the way to God.  Nowhere in Scripture do we have an instruction to limit our saltiness or our light to the church contexts alone.  No, we are to shine brightly in all contexts in which we currently find ourselves. 

 

     We are to share the good news of salvation with the lost and dying world first, and we are to do everything within our power to preserve the moral standards of our society, even including participation in the democratic political processes of our nation.  It doesn’t have to be either or, it can, and, in my opinion, should be both and.  Both light and salt.  Both shine and preserve. Both share the gospel and participate in politics for the purpose of advancing God’s kingdom in every arena. 

 

     We know that in the end it is not going to be our efforts but God Himself who will make all things new, but nevertheless we are not to ever quit trying to do everything within our power to continue spreading preserving influence of the gospel around us.  Including political involvement, whether it may be opining on the current events in light of biblical message, staying abreast of the latest developments in the political arena in order to ascertain their scriptural significance, educating those around us of what biblical values look like, and voting those values.  Withdrawal from the political process in the name of our Christianity in the nation where we can still make a difference is tantamount to restricting our saltiness to the boundaries of our church buildings.  Whatever we do, Blomberg is absolutely right in his warning that “we dare not form isolated Christian enclaves to which the world pays no attention.”[1]

 

- Simon V. Goncharenko, PhD
Adjunct Instructor of Theology and Church History



[1]Ibid, 103.

 

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