Apr 11, 2006
by Aaron Bennett
Sometimes I have the notion to let my mind wander. Sometimes I’ll let it wander to a galaxy far, far away … while sitting in convo. It was on such an occasion that it hit me (in this case, it equals brilliance). What would “Star Wars” be like if it were re-cast with all Liberty people? Who needs Mark Hamill, Natalie Portman and, most dreadful of all, Hayden Christensen? We’ve got a bevy of talented people in front of us every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Here are my picks for who would get what:
First of all, I think it is impossible to begin without mentioning that the Vines Center is definitely just a Death Star that’s been cut in half. See what I mean? Even our architecture is begging for these comparisons. Let’s begin with one of George Lucas’ most endearing characters, Yoda. He is soooo Dane Emerick! I’m not kidding. Spray the man green, give him a gray hood and let him begin dispensing invaluable advice to Luke and the gang. However, I think somebody should take his light-saber away during those “Keeping it Safe” seminars. They are scary enough as it is.
All right, Yoda down, lots more to go. Next up on the list is Luke. I’m not going to lie. This was a difficult decision. Who can capture the wholesome do-gooder brother to Leia? He can’t be too cool (that’s Han Solo) or too threatening (Darth … anything). Okay, I got it! Dave McKinney. Of course he isn’t ready to begin fighting right away. He must receive proper training from Obi-Wan Kenobi, played by the indelible discipler and Jedi champion, Dwayne Carson. True to form, Obi-Wan uses mystical teaching elements to train Luke in the ways of the Force. The mystical element is called … wait for it … alliteration. And I’m pretty sure there is a little Maxwell thrown in there too. Okay, we’ve got the good guys.
Now it is time for some villains.
Okay, I think one of the most effective things about “Episode I: The Phantom Menace” was the casting of a cute little kid as Anakin Skywalker. Part of you says – wow, I love this little podracer. The other half says – kill him now! He’s going to be evil. The role goes to campus band front man, Jake Holman.
This is where it gets tricky. Would a campus pastor ever be able to pull off the role of Darth Vader? Well, in my imagination, that is a definite yes. Rob Jackson, I love you man, but you are Darth. Rob Jackson gets the role mainly because he is the only guy who would fit the costume, and because he can strangle a man with his bare mind. Besides, who doesn’t want to hear Dave McKinney say, “Rob, are you my daddy?”
Unfortunately, that’s all the time I have for this week. However, I’d like to continue this discussion. Contact me with your picks for Princess Leia (be creative, no Nerediths), Han Solo and Chewbacca. Because I value my job, no nominations will be made for Jabba the Hutt.
Before I sign-off, I just can’t resist giving you one more bit of casting news. Who can go from cloying, annoying sidekick to Intergalactic Senator in the blink of an eye? Jar Jar Binks is Johnnie Moore. In fact, the other day I actually heard him say, “If me be returnin’, the Bosses will do terrible things to me! Tewwwwible things!” Let’s hope not too Tewwwwwwible. For our sakes.
Contact Aaron Bennett at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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