Jan 29, 2008

A tad askew

by Will Mayer

     For the most part, men have been the rulers of the world. Of course, as the rule of rules states: “There are exceptions to every rule.” For example, Joan of Arc, Cleopatra, Elizabeth I and Cher were all exceptions to the rule. But for thousands of years men have been at the forefront of society. They have been the leaders, the inventors, the warriors and the court jesters. All the while women lived beside them and were expected to keep relatively to themselves. But all those years of men forcing inferiority upon women have caused women to adapt. Women have become as successful as men, smarter, prettier and quite frankly, more intimidating.
     As a married man, I have been let in on a few of the secrets that prove that women are geniuses. If you are married, you will know of what I speak. If you are not, take the following example as a case in point. Showering. When a man takes a shower, generally he uses a hard, rectangular bar of soap. The amalgamation of soap and water causes a state change in the soap from solid state to greased-watermelon-at-the-bottom-of-a-pool-state. It becomes nearly impossible to hang onto, thus slipping from man’s hand and dashing across the bridge of his toes. Repeated smashes to men’s feet have birthed such marveled inventions as the soap on a rope, but since the male mind believes it is capable of holding onto the soap, men either never buy the soap on a rope, or they use it without first securing the rope over their wrist. Women, on the other hand, use an interesting device called a loofah (from the Latin word loofahquitas, roughly translated: men are idiots). The loofah is a sponge with rough edges that allow a lather to build that resembles some entity with a fluff factor that falls just between cumulous cloud and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. All the while this magical body scrubber remains easy to grasp in one’s hands. Married men, often forced to use the same shower as their wives, find it invaded by this and other devices.
     Curiosity eventually builds in some men, and although they would never admit it to their friends, they figure out how superior the loofah is to a standard bar of soap. (If any of my friends are reading this article, they should be informed that I have never actually attempted to use the device). The loofah is just one example of the newfound superiority of women, so it should come as no surprise to men that a woman is seeking a position as the leader of the free world by putting in a presidential bid. Why not? Women are more than qualified, but there are exceptions to every rule. After all, can you see Sen. Hillary Clinton using a loofah?

Contact Will Mayer at swmayer@liberty.edu.


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