Feb 16, 2010

Why boys make girls cry

by Ethan Massey

Men have long wondered at the minds of women. At every stage of a relationship, many couples find themselves on different pages much of the time. Though guys tend to settle for surface explanations, they fail to realize just how deep the rabbit hole goes.

One major difference between males and females is the near obsession that women have with relationships. Sixty-nine percent of women say they often think about their relationship with their significant other, according to a survey by Decision Analyst. While this may be an alarming statistic to some men, it points to a need for reassurance that even more are unaware of.

In its essence, the female need for reassurance is a need to continually know they are loved, according to Jeff Feldhahn, author of “For Men Only.” Feldhahn shows that many things may trigger a woman’s insecurities and the best way to ease them is for a man to assure her of his love. While this ties into her emotional security, it also contributes to a woman’s need to be heard.

Most men can relate with the need to fix a problem. So when a guy’s girlfriend tells him about a problem she is having, he automatically jumps into handyman mode. This is where men run into a break down of communication.

“(Men) don’t understand why all (women) want to do is talk,” Liberty University psychology professor Dr. Larry Anderson said.
Men seldom realize that the real problem is how the woman feels about the problem.

“A lot of times if she feels heard and understood,” Anderson said. “To her there is no problem.”

Another area of misunderstanding is that of beauty. Women want to be found attractive. An astounding 89 percent of women say it makes their day if their significant other tells them they are beautiful, according to a Decision Analyst survey.

In a very literal way, many women crave a confirmation of their beauty. Men hold remarkable power in this area, according to Feldhahn. While the right words can build her up, critical words or even a look at another girl can level her. Due to this dichotomy, it is crucial that guys understand a girl’s longing to be beautiful and to be pursued.

This is the one area that tends to confuse men the most – a woman’s need for pursuit. Contrary to popular belief, this is not the equivalent of stalking. Pursuit is when a guy flirts with the girl he is after. It is in all the little presents he gives her and the notes he leaves her. It is the reason the girls go after John Tucker or James Bond. The pursuit that a girl desires is all about the little things and should not stop once a guy has “got” the girl.

Though facts and figures can be a great starting place, it is crucial “to become a student of understanding the opposite sex,” Anderson said.

People must first fix their expectations before they can get an accurate view of the opposite sex. This does not mean guys should brood over all the nuances of the female mind, but that they need to realize that women do not think or act like men.

Guys have a long road to travel before they arrive at understanding the opposite gender. Though it will not be an easy journey, it is a trip into the unknown worth taking. As the love doctor Alex “Hitch” Hitchens (played by Will Smith) once said, “Any guy can sweep any girl off her feet, he just needs the right broom.”

Contact Ethan Massey at

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