Nov 17, 2009

Brownies make the best boyfriends

by Tim Mattingly

Twilight’s Edward Cullen is a man of infinite intrigue, causing grown women to swoon and schoolgirls to scream. And while the females chase this fictitious dreamboat, their delusions of love have foundation in fact.

Cullen is desirable because he is a mysterious mix of “tall, dark and handsome,” making women around the world wish they could sink their incisors into him. In short, Cullen is the embodiment of a brownie.

And while brownies are slightly shorter than Cullen, the Duncan Hines brownie recipe represents everything that is perfect in a relationship. Besides, it is not the size of the brownie in love that matters, but the size of the love in the brownie.

First, there is the sweet powder of affection — the brownie mix itself. In the whirlwinds of passion, such substances can dance about the kitchen air and stick to our noses like the memory of an Eskimo kiss.
However, this powder can also go into the eyes, blinding victims in a new relationship to the dangers around them. Or, it can simply blow away in a passing breeze.

In order to hold a relationship together, two eggs will be required, according to Duncan Hines. Similarly, two minds must be willing to think and reason through the tumults and trials of romance.

When making brownies, too many eggs will make the finished product stiff and crumbly, just as over-thinking and over-analyzing a relationship will make it rigid and liable to fall apart.

But without any eggs, both brownies and relationships become flat, dry and emotionless. Thus, a balance is required in order to form a stable relationship, much like the ingredient equilibrium created by water and oil.

Next, the Duncan Hines relationship recipe calls for one-fourth cup of water. But as we were all uniquely created creatures, finding someone with the same quirks and interests can seem nearly impossible. At times it can seem like we are searching in a desert for compatibility’s water. As a result, we often rush toward mirages in order to quench our love life’s thirst. And while some mirages may look good at first, Derek Zoolander warns, “there’s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking.”

The same words of wisdom apply to finding that one-fourth cup of water in a relationship. It is unwise to rush into anything on face value, or on even big-sparkling-blue-eyes value. Take the time to find out if the water is real, or if it is false infatuation.
It only takes a few drops, or one-fourth a cup, to help a relationship flourish and grow into something as delicious as ooey-gooey chocolaty goodness.

As important as watery similarity is to a relationship, half a cup of oily differences can keep the batter of love alive, according to Duncan Hines. A relationship without any contrast will quickly become bland. It is our differences that set us apart, making each romance a truly unique experience.

And it is no coincidence that women wish to be “whisked away” by one true love, because the whisk is the tool which combines all these ingredients together, creating the perfect relationship.

If done correctly, a balanced brownie relationship can create a sense of affection and contentment. Over time, the continued consumption of warm feelings will stick to the sides of a relationship, creating a long-lasting bond that will not dissipate over time. Perhaps that is why they are called “love handles.”

Contact Tim Mattingly at 

Printable Version

» China to lift one child ban
» From the desk
» Pittsylvania woman to be executed
» BP oil spill: The hits keep coming