Sep 29, 2009

Happy birthday nuclear holocaust

by Tim Mattingly

Break out the streamers and head to the nearest nuclear fallout shelter — Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is throwing a party. But this is no ordinary shindig. He plans to serve the world a recipe of enriched yellow cake with a side of psychotic, nuclear-aggressive dictator.

Understandably, Israel is playing the role of “party pooper.” But now other nations are starting to take off their party hats with the discovery of Iran’s underground nuclear bakery.

“The Islamic Republic of Iran has been building a covert uranium enrichment facility near Qom for several years,” President Barack Obama announced Sept. 25 at the G20 summit in Pittsburgh. “The existence of this facility underscores Iran’s continuing unwillingness to meet its obligations under U.N. Security Council resolutions and (International Atomic Energy Agency) IAEA requirements.”

Always one to clown around at political parties, Ahmadinejad claimed the new bakery was simply cooking up “peaceful nuclear energy,” according to the Wall Street Journal. Unfortunately for Ahmadinejad, some downer, balloon-popping scientists decided to crash his nuclear party.

The first fact is that Iran’s facility only contains 3,000 centrifuges, according to the UK Guardian. To put into pinpricking perspective, it requires “tens of thousands” of centrifuges running to produce commercial nuclear energy, according to the UK Guardian.

“In terms of producing a commercially viable, commercial scale enrichment facility, (Iran’s new facility) makes absolutely no sense from either a technical or an economic point of view,” Jacqueline Shire of the Institute for Science and International Security said, according to the UK Guardian.

“If you want to produce bomb-grade material potentially, you only need 3,000,” Shire explained to the UK Guardian.

As Ahmadinejad has made infinitely clear in the past, the first bite of nuclear baked goods is going straight to Israel.

“Israel must be wiped off the map,” Ahmadinejad said in 2005, according to the UK Telegraph. “They should know that they are nearing the last days of their lives.”

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu is expected to RSVP with force if Ahmadinejad’s nuclear extravaganza gets off the ground.

“The real danger is that Iran could become one gigantic suicide bomber,” Netanyahu warned, according to the UK Telegraph.

In 2007, Netanyahu stated that in three years Iran would possess the nuclear capability to “wipe out six million Jews,” according to the UK Telegraph. This coincides with the U.S. intelligence report that the new facility will be able to enrich uranium by 2010, according to the Wall Street Journal.

“Iran is breaking rules that all nations must follow, endangering the global nonproliferation regime, denying its own people access to the opportunity they deserve and threatening the stability and security of the region and the world,” Obama said at the G20 summit.

Being a party pooper never seemed so cool. But even with the world’s nuclear police alerted, Iran’s birthday bash is far from being shut down. And if Ahmadinejad’s yellow cake is allowed to enrich and bake, it will prove to be a recipe for disaster, threatening to frost the entire world in calamity.

The candles on Ahmadinejad’s nuclear facility must be blown out, before we are blown away by Hiroshima’s kiss.

Contact Tim Mattingly at

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